What the ?@%!!!*&! Just Happened? A Look Back at 2010

With 2010 safely in the rearview mirror, I figured it would be fun for us to take a look back and see what actually happened this past year.

Does that zipper go all the way up to the top of Justin Bieber's hood? If so, then it would VERY MUCH behoove him to zip it up all the way. (I know. I'm such a hater, aren't I?)

–Haiti suffered a catastrophic earthquake, and American musical artists responded by doing a remake of USA For Africa’s “We Are The World” with Justin Bieber singing Lionel Richie’s part.  EPIC FAIL!!!!!!!!

–BP spilled some oil in the Gulf of Mexico.

–A census was taken, and it was found that the state of Michigan actually lost a few people.

Remember this guy? Well now he's right back in the old neighborhood.

–Ted Haggard started a new church at his home, then had a huge skinny dipping party at his pool.

This is where Damon Evans got caught with those red female undergarments in his lap.

–UGA athletic director Damon Evans got crunk in the ATL, then got caught with a pair of red panties in his lap.  He is no longer the athletic director at UGA.

Hey Brett, don't let the door hit you on the way out.

–Brett Favre retired from football.  No, really.  I’m not kidding.  Just like the last time he retired.  And the time before that.  And the time before…you get the idea.

–Brett Favre sent naughty pictures of himself to a sideline reporter for the New York Jets.  She then gave him her new cell phone number, with instructions to pass it on to Rex Ryan.

–Ben Roethlisberger got crunk in Milledgeville, GA, and Zach Mettenberger got crunk in Remerton, GA.  I did not know where either of those places are, let alone that it was possible to do anything to get yourself in trouble in either place.  I wonder what it would be like to get Damon Evans and these two together for a wild night of carousing?  Who would be the wing man?

–Michael Vick said he wants a dog.  No, seriously.  Not sure I’m ready to think about this just yet.  Can we start off by letting him have a copy of that painting with the poker-playing dogs and see how that goes?

Try to Imagine Hillsong United Doing This One

I wouldn’t put it past them, actually:

It’s a quarter after one, I’m a little drunk
And I need You now
Said I wouldn’t call but I lost all control
And I need You now
And I don’t know how I can do without
I just need You now

–with apologies to Lady Antebellum

The Greatest Tradition in College Football…BONK!!!!!

Watch what happens around the 2:48 mark.  If you don’t catch it, there is a slow-motion replay that starts at 3:16.

While we’re looking at videos:  I know that those of you who are Georgia Tech fans are probably still bummed about getting beat at Miami.  So if it’s any consolation to you, here is some video of a Clemson fan who didn’t take it too well when his team got beat.  Note the expert analysis by Chris Fowler and Jesse Palmer of ESPN, with Chris Fowler struggling to keep from losing it.  (Note:  Everything prior to about the 1:45 mark is just Fowler and Palmer engaging in idle chitchat while waiting to go live; everything after that is what the fans who were watching at home saw.)

Coming Soon to Everyone’s Entitled to Joe’s Opinion: The Holy Hookup Reality Blog

I have just found a stupendous idea for how to finally shed my status as a single and find the Mrs. Right that I have been waiting for all my life.  The ATL’s very own Bishop Thomas Weeks, who was vaulted into celebrity status after his ugly divorce with evangelist Juanita Bynum, is taking his search for a replacement wife to the television airwaves with his very own reality show entitled “The Holy Hook Up:  Who Will Be the Next Mrs. Weeks?”

This is such a good idea that I have decided to implement a similar measure right here at Everyone’s Entitled to Joe’s Opinion:  “The Holy Hookup Reality Blog:  Who Will Be the Next Mrs. Derbes?”  Details are at this point yet to be determined, but all the answers will be coming out soon, so keep checking back.

Reformissionary: “I’m Not Going To…”

Those of you who think that church is a dull place need to go to Reformissionary and watch this video.  It’s a pastor who preaches an entire sermon on…well, I’ll let you find that out for yourself.  Be prepared to laugh until you are blue in the face.

This pastor obviously has WAY too much time on his hands.

A Look Back at 2007: What the F— Just Happened???

Well folks, 2007 was about as crazy a year as ever there was.  I know that it is usually not customary to wait until four weeks into the new year to do retrospectives like this, but 2007 was such an extraordinarily crazy year that I really did need all of that time to decompress and fully analyze the happenings of that year and what it all means to humanity and life as we all know it.  Now that I have had sufficient time to detach and decompress and get some objectivity, here is all of the good, the bad, and the ugly from 2007:

An Apartment Hunting Tip

School is starting to crank up to full bore for the fall term, so I will not be blogging quite as profusely.  So to stave you off until I get to where I can post more regularly, here’s a little something for those of you who are looking for an apartment, or expect to be looking for an apartment within the near present future.

If an apartment community advertises itself as your city’s “best-kept secret”, then there are probably very good reasons why it is such a well-kept secret.  You would probably do very well to just go on and let it remain a secret.

Bama Taps Lavigne to Replace Shula

In a move that sent shock waves throughout the world of college football, the University of Alabama announced earlier today that it had hired singer-songwriter Avril Lavigne to be its next head coach.

Florida-Georgia Humor

Boy, you people sure come up with some interesting search terms.

WordPress has this neat feature that lets you see the search engine terms that people use to find your blog.  And I see that some of you have come here looking for “Cocktail Party Humor Florida Georgia”.

For starters, the most humorous aspect of Florida-Georgia 2006 is that the game is even being played at all.  Everyone knows that Florida owns Georgia.  Even if Georgia were to start NFL Pro Bowl picks while Florida starts middle school cheerleaders and band members, Florida would still win.

But this year’s Georgia team is way short of NFL Pro Bowl caliber.  Anyone who believes otherwise after the last five games is completely and totally deluded.  And this year’s Florida team is way better than middle school cheerleaders and band members.  If Florida can start middle school cheerleaders and band members and still beat Georgia, then imagine what Florida can do to Georgia with the team that they have this year.  And if Georgia can start NFL Pro Bowl picks and still lose to Florida, then imagine how badly this year’s team will get beat.

And yet, they’re still planning to play the game Saturday.

Ouch.

After that, the next most humorous aspect of Florida-Georgia 2006 is that Florida is only favored by 14 points.  Who are we kidding?  Florida will cover that within the first two minutes of the game.

Wait a minute.  I was wrong when I said earlier that the most humorous aspect of Florida-Georgia 2006 was that it was being played at all.  The most humorous aspect of Florida-Georgia 2006 is that there are still Georgia fans running around out there who believe that we actually have a chance to win this game.

Top 10 Ways to P— Off Yankees

10. Call Albany, New York, “All-Binny.”

9. If you go out to eat at a restaurant up North, order sweet tea.

8. If you visit up North and it snows while you’re there, act like you’ve never seen snow before in your life. Run around in the snow, make a snowman, try to start snowball fights with people passing by. This will drive them completely and totally out of their minds.

7. If you visit Lake Winnipesaukee (in New Hampshire), call it “Lake Wannahockalugi.”

6. If you visit Mount Washington (also in New Hampshire), say, “We have 6,000 foot high mountains down South, but ours have trees on top.”

5. If you see a Northerner on the street wearing a UAW jacket, say, “You misspelled “Y’all” on your jacket!”

4. If a Northerner starts telling you all about how they used to do things back in New York, say, “If you don’t like it down here, Delta’s ready when you are! 36 daily flights from Atlanta to New York, if that’s where you want to be.”

3. If you drive on one of the numerous toll roads up North, when you stop to pay the toll, say to the attendant in the toll booth, “Y’all must believe it’s morally wrong to drive without paying to use the roads you drive on.”

2. Drive down Park Avenue in an old beat-up pickup truck with a gun rack and a Rebel flag hanging out the back.

1. In the middle of a conversation, for no apparent reason, just blurt out, “Y’ALL ARE ALL JUST A BUNCH OF DAMN YANKEES!!!!!”