She’s “Just Not That Into You”–A Fella’s No-Nonsense Guide to Understanding Women

Last year Greg Behrendt came out with the bestselling book He’s Just Not That Into You. This book is a guide to help women understand the signs that men give off to convey a lack of romantic interest. Unfortunately there is no corresponding work about the signs that women give off to show that they aren’t interested. So here is my attempt to correct that deficit. Fellas, if you see any of these signs, you can rest assured that she’s just not that into you. Let go, move on, and find someone else who is into you.

More Great Books LITE(tm)

• The Phantom of the Opera LITE(tm)
  — by Gaston Leroux

A ghost falls in love with an opera singer and drops a chandelier on her head.

• A Christmas Carol LITE(tm)
  — by Charles Dickens

A London businessman has bad dreams on Christmas Eve.

• Tom Sawyer LITE(tm)
  — by Mark Twain

A young boy invites some friends over to help paint his fence.

• Atlas Shrugged LITE(tm)
  — by Ayn Rand

Some guys go on vacation to a friend’s place in Colorado and the whole world falls apart.

• The Canterbury Tales LITE(tm)
  — by Geoffrey Chaucer

Some guys tell dirty stories while on a road trip.

• The Hunchback of Notre Dame LITE(tm)
  — by Victor Hugo

A priest has a crush on a gypsy girl and a hunchback pushes him off the top of the church.

• Watership Down LITE(tm)
  — by Richard Adams

Some rabbits get bought out by a developer.

• The Hound of the Baskervilles LITE(tm)
  — by Arthur Conan Doyle

A man paints his dog white to scare the neighbors.

• Romeo and Juliet LITE(tm)
  — by William Shakespeare

A love affair ends in a murder and double suicide.

• Oedipus Rex LITE(tm)
  — by Sophocles

A man kills his father and falls in love with his mother.

• The Catcher in the Rye LITE(tm)
  — by J. D. Salinger

A boy gets kicked out of boarding school and goes insane.

• The Awakening LITE(tm)
  — by Kate Chopin

After cheating on her husband, a woman goes out for a swim.

• The Crucible LITE(tm)
  — by Arthur Miller

Some kids get all the grownups in trouble by accusing them of witchcraft.

• The Grapes of Wrath LITE(tm)
  — by John Steinbeck

An Oklahoma family moves out to L. A.

• Of Mice and Men LITE(tm)
  — by John Steinbeck

A man loves small furry animals and his friend blows his brains out.

• The Lottery LITE(tm)
  — by Shirley Jackson

A woman wins the lottery and gets stoned to death.

• One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest LITE(tm)
  — by Ken Kesey

Some guys break out of an insane asylum.

• The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe LITE(tm)
  — by C. S. Lewis

Some kids play in a wardrobe while vacationing at an uncle’s house.

Unsolicited Advice for Those of You who are Going to Passion 06

Here I will venture to offer some unsolicited advice for those of you who are attending Passion 06 this January, to help you make the most of your time there.

JOE’S CRACKING UP!!!!! The Final Installment

[NOTE: This is the last of a three-part series. Here is the first installment. And here is the second installment.]

First of all, for those of you who have been tracking with me through all of this, my apologies to you for taking so long to finish. But in looking at where I had intended to go after the end of the first installment, I have had second thoughts about sharing a lot of that material.

What I can say is this: In recent years my priorities have changed drastically. I once had big plans and big dreams of making a big name for myself, but in recent years, thanks to the inspiration which I have drawn from certain books and from the lives of certain people, that is no longer the case.

The Bulldog Tooth Bonus Feature: Coaches on the Hot Seat

It’s that time of year again–time for the annual college football coaching carousel to crank up into high gear.

2004 was the bloodiest year on record for coaching changes, with an unprecedented 23 head coaches changing positions. This year does not figure to be quite as drastic, but there will still be a lot of blood and feathers flying before it’s all said and done. So let me pull out my trusty bulldog tooth and make some predictions as to which coaches will find themselves in the proverbial hot seat (if not actually out of a job) by the end of the season.

The Wilma Water Wars: The SBC Takes a Black Eye over the Alcohol Issue

Whenever something like this comes down the pipe, I can’t help thinking to myself that I’m glad I’m not a Baptist.

Anheuser-Busch wanted to lend a helping hand to the Hurricane Wilma recovery effort down in Florida last week. So they bottled up (or maybe I should say “canned up”) some water and sent it down there. There was a small problem, however. Baptist relief workers didn’t take too kindly to the idea of handing out cans of water with the Anheuser-Busch label. Local news media got wind of the story, and a major controversy ensued.

JOE’S CRACKING UP!!!!! The Second Installment

[NOTE: This is the second of a three-part series. Here is the first installment. And here is the final installment.]

In the previous installment I laid some groundwork by sharing about recent events in my life–notably the loss of my job–which are motivating me to strongly consider the possibility of teaching English overseas. In fact, I have been considering this option for quite some time, though in light of current events I am now considering it much more seriously. Now I will begin to unpack my reasons for this–the good, the bad, and the ugly. I will start with the bad and the ugly.

What’s a Georgia Fan to Do?

Alas, what’s a Georgia sports fan to do?

The Crocks (I mean the Hawks) still suck, despite their new coach and extreme roster makeover.

The Thrashers still suck, despite their new All-Star goalie Ilya Kovalchuk. Oh wait. He’s not a goalie? Shows how much I care about hockey.

The Braves still suck, at least in October, when it counts. And the Dawgs still suck, at least in Jacksonville, when it counts.

The Cons are actually somewhat decent this year, so I hear. But I’m not much of a pro football fan. As Lewis Grizzard always used to say, pro football “reminds me of two mules fighting over a turnip. I mean, who cares?”

Oh well…