Digging into the Vault: Please Beat Florida…PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not that I actually expect this to happen.  I am a realist, you know.  But just on the off chance…

Here is a nifty little rant that I put up the morning of Florida-Georgia 2007.  I think it might have worked–Georgia actually did beat Florida that year.  Take a gander, people.

Who knows?  A Georgia fan can always hope and dream.

Florida-Georgia Reflections: The Original Kanye West Moment

Guess what, people?  It’s Florida-Georgia time again!!!!!  And you know what that means:  Time to hop into the time machine and take a blast into the past.  Might as well, because there is not much reason to expect this year’s Florida-Georgia to be worth remembering–unless you are doing some extremely potent drugs.

So back back back in the time machine we go…where we stop nobody knows!!!!!!!!!!

Unless you’ve been living under a mammoth size rock, you are no doubt well aware that singer Kanye West had a little moment (shall we say) at the MTV awards this year.  For those of you who really and truly don’t know what happened:  Watch this video.  Watch what happens at around the 0:44 mark.

In the spirit of this, we are going to blast right back to the original Kanye West moment.  The moment that was no doubt running through Kanye West’s mind when he got the inspiration to pull this little stunt.  Yes, it all started right here on a rainy Saturday in Jacksonville, Florida, right in the middle of a Florida-Georgia game.

The clock was down to less than 30 seconds left in the game.  Georgia had moved the ball right down the field, and had it first-and-goal from about the 10 yard line.  Eric Zeier completed a pass for the winning touchdown–actually what would have been the winning touchdown assuming that the subsequent 2-point conversion attempt was successful.  (There was no overtime back then.)  And then this ref stepped out and said:

“Y’know Georgia, I’m really happy for you, I’ma let you finish dis play, but Florida has one o’ da best teams of all time!!!!!!!!!!  ONE O’ DA BEST TEAMS OF ALL TIME!!!!!!!!!” Continue reading “Florida-Georgia Reflections: The Original Kanye West Moment”

The Monday Melange 10.26.09: Mountain Oysters, Anglicans, Ron Zook, and Halloween

–Okay, so CNN got completely and totally punked by a 6-year-old kid and a balloon.  Imagine that.  Those of you who have 6-year-old kids:  Imagine the possibilities.

Clemson beat Miami this week.  I’m happy for this guy, and I hope he’s happy too.

–I see that Lake Lure, North Carolina is having an oyster roast in a couple of weeks.  Stay away from this, people.  I don’t trust mountain oysters, and you shouldn’t either.

–Here’s a stunner:  This week Pope Benedict XVI announced a new program by which Anglicans could enter into communion with the Catholic Church while basically remaining Anglican under Anglican leadership.  This holds real promise in places where many Anglicans are disaffected by the liberal and openly-gay leanings of the Episcopal Church, and in places like Asia, Africa, and Latin America where Anglican and Catholic churches are already working closely together.  It will be interesting to see how the Anglicans respond to this.

–What this announcement from Benedict XVI means is that the Catholic Church–in some form or fashion, at least–is now willing to meet other Christians halfway, without demanding that they renounce what they believe and join the Catholic team in order to be recognized as Christians.  We as evangelicals are famous for saying that Catholics are not Christian until they renounce their Catholicism and join our team.  Will we now be willing to at least meet them halfway, and not incessantly demand that they become like us in order to be accepted by us as true Christians?  Can we lay down our desire to be the ones who dictate the terms of “true Christianity” to those outside of evangelical Protestant-dom?

–Ron Zook is safe at Illinois; so says Illinois AD Ron Guenther.  Which means he’s safe for about another year or two, if that.  If he was really safe, then Guenther would not have felt the necessity to make a statement in the first place.

–It took two years for Gene Chizik to win five games at Iowa State.  Now he’s gone and they’ve already won five games this year.  I’m hating life for you right now if you’re an Auburn fan.

–So many of us think that spiritual warfare is all about being in adverse situations while God looks on passively, waiting for us to pray the right prayer/learn the right lesson/rejoice/take a bold stand.  And when you do, God will step in and fight for you and all your troubles will just magically vanish.  If you can do these things, great.  But I’d be willing to bet that it is way simpler than that.  All you have to do to be successful in spiritual warfare is just keep going.  Just keep showing up.  Just keep doing the right thing.  Just keep walking the path that God has chosen for you to walk.  That’s all there is to it.  Don’t grow weary in doing the right thing, as Paul says in Galatians.  Read what Michael Spencer has to say about this.

It took Alabama a blocked field goal on the last play of the game to get past Tennessee in Tuscaloosa.  I now feel a little better about getting beat by Tehhessee.  But consider this:  Here is what Tennessee has scored on offense in all their games this year.  Against Western Kentucky:  63, against UCLA:  15, against Florida:  13, against Ohio U:  34, against Auburn:  22, against Georgia:  45, against Alabama:  10.  Notice something a little not right with this picture?

–For those of you who are a little slow on the uptake:  Western Kentucky was the only team on that list to give up more points to Tennessee than Georgia.  Georgia gave up three touchdowns and a field goal more than any other SEC opponent.  Georgia is also the only SEC team to have Willie Martinez as its defensive coordinator.

–Halloween is coming up this week, which means time for pumpkins, witches, ghosts, goblins, and all sorts of evangelical stupidness about how it is really a devil’s holiday.  Come on, people.

–Read Michael Spencer’s annual Halloween rant.  Then read this post by Taylor Marshall on how to have a good Catholic halloween.  (It’s okay, people.  No Protestants were harmed in the production of this post.)  Finally, read James Jordan’s “A Different View of Halloween”.  Still think Halloween is of the devil?  I’ve got some lovely beachfront property down in beautiful Amundsen-Scott Station, Antarctica, that I would love to sell you.

–Speaking of which, the high today in Amundsen-Scott Station, Antarctica, is forecast to be -38 degrees, with a low tonight of -58.  Windchill tonight will be -88.  Brrrr.

–When I was growing up, I always went trick-or-treating as a ghost or a vampire.  Now I would like to go as a Gator fan–complete with jean shorts, flip-flops, and the obligatory mullet wig.  Boo.  Hope I scared you.

–Okay, so going from an off week to Florida in Jacksonville is kinda like walking the Green Mile.  Right, Dawg fans?  Don’t worry, here’s a little something to hopefully put you in somewhat better spirits.

We do what we can for the benefit of our readers.

The Bulldog Tooth Bonus Feature: A Look at Some Games All Involving Teams Better Than Georgia (10.24.09)

With Georgia being off this weekend, I have the luxury of being able to observe this weekend’s games from the point of view of a bemused, dispassionate observer.  So in that vein, here is a look at some of the more interesting games that will be happening today.

Florida vs Mississippi State: Florida has struggled profusely in Starkville.  Believe it or not, they haven’t won a game there since 1985.  That includes the 1992 loss in which Steve Spurrier famously berated then-defensive coordinator Ron Zook and the sideline cam caught it and broadcast it to the whole country, and the 2004 loss which cost then-head coach Ron Zook his job.  Mississippi State is improving under first-year head coach Dan Mullen, and could be at an advantage with Mullen’s intimate knowledge of Tim Tebow and the inner workings of the Florida offense.  Tim Tebow hasn’t been quite as sharp since coming back after his concussion; the offense has only managed 36 points in the last two games and was nearly undone by turnovers last week against Arkansas.

Prediction:  Florida 27, Mississippi State 17.

LSU vs Auburn: Auburn got off to a 5-0 start under first-year coach Gene Chizik, but all my Auburn friends tell me that they hadn’t played anybody during that time.  (Hmmm…one of those wins was against Tennessee.  That means Georgia didn’t play anybody in Knoxville a couple of weeks back, and still had their asses handed to them on a silver platter.)  But since then Auburn has struggled, losing to Arkansas and Kentucky.  Jordan Jefferson and the LSU offense are eager for redemption coming off an ugly 13-3 loss to Florida and having had a bye week to sit on it.

Prediction:  LSU 27, Auburn 22.

Tennessee vs Alabama: Man, please.

Prediction:  Alabama 45, Tennessee 10.

Georgia Tech vs Virginia: Georgia Tech has not won in Charlottesville since 1990.  The most rankling loss for Georgia Tech in that span was in 2001 when Virginia beat them on a hook-and-ladder.  After losing the first three games this season in classic style, including embarrassing beatdowns at the hands of William and Mary and TCU, Virginia has managed to figure some things out and win some games.  Don’t look now–but they are 3-0 in ACC play and the only unbeaten team in the conference.  Georgia Tech is coming off an extremely emotional win over Virginia Tech where the fans bum rushed the field, tore down the goalposts and carried them up to the president’s house.  Under Chan Gailey, you could count on Georgia Tech to lose this game.  Not anymore.

Prediction:  Georgia Tech 35, Virginia 32.

Miami vs Clemson: Miami is the up-and-coming power in the ACC.  Since losing 27-7 at Virginia Tech, they have rebounded nicely with huge wins over Oklahoma, Florida A&M, and Central Florida.  They also have wins over Florida State and Georgia Tech to their credit.  Clemson has some playmakers on offense but they have struggled to 3-3 overall.

Prediction:  Miami 38, Clemson 23.

BYU vs TCU: TCU has a tackling dummy sporting a BYU helmet in their weight room.  Think this game isn’t big for them?  Meanwhile, BYU is eager to atone for their Florida State beatdown, and that could start this week.

Prediction:  BYU 45, TCU 38.

Iowa vs Michigan State: A Michigan State team that got punked by Central Michigan, choked against Notre Dame, and nearly choked against Michigan, is suddenly playing much better.  Iowa is a very tough-minded team, and they will need all the toughness they can bring for this one.

Prediction:  Iowa 31, Michigan State 30.

Texas vs Missouri: Texas hasn’t lost the week after playing Oklahoma since 1997.  Missouri is struggling to rebuild this year.

Prediction:  Texas 31, Missouri 14.

Washington vs Oregon: A suddenly improving Washington team under first year coach Steve Sarkisian has already pulled off an upset win over Southern Cal, and they may actually have a chance to win this one.  Oregon had better not be looking ahead to its own game with Southern Can next week.

Prediction:  Washington 37, Oregon 34.

USC (no, not that one) vs Oregon State: Southern Cal has had a bit of trouble with Oregon State lately.  But no problems with them in California.

Prediction:  Southern Cal 45, Oregon State 13.

Ken Ham: I Got a Fever, and The Only Prescription Is MORE CREATIONISM!!!!!!!

It’s Young Earth Creationism Week here at Everyone’s Entitled to Joe’s Opinion.  As part of the festivities please allow me to direct your attention to a speech which Ken Ham recently gave.

So who is Ken Ham?  Ken Ham is one of the most outspoken proponents of young-earth creationism that you will find.  He believes in a six-day literal creation which happened about 6,000 years ago and in a worldwide flood which happened about 4,000 years ago.  He believes that nothing which is in any way contrary to the Biblical text has any scientific validity whatsoever, that evolution is dead wrong and that acceptance of evolution has paved the way for a whole host of social ills.

Ham is the president of Answers in Genesis, a ministry specifically devoted to getting the young-earth creationist message out there.  He and Answers in Genesis built the Creation Museum in the northern Kentucky suburbs of Cincinnati, which opened back in 2007.  This speech was recently made at the Creation Museum to supporters of Ham’s ministry.  In it, Ham lays out the problem here in America–that despite our massive abundance of Christian resources, Christianity in America is declining.  And not only is Christianity declining, but a whole host of unsavory social ills are on the rise.  Ham lays out his answer to these challenges–MORE YOUNG-EARTH CREATIONISM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ham’s speech is on Youtube, in four parts:

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

…and Part 4

Can you imagine Richard Dawkins coming to Fernbank and giving a similar speech (from the atheist perspective, of course) to Fernbank supporters?  Didn’t think so.

According to Ham, the trouble all started when those nefarious Deists came along with their ungodly obsession with “millions of years”.  That opened the door for Darwin and his theory of evolution to explain how life came about over “millions of years”.  And once evolution got a foothold in our society, we all know what happened.

You see, God says quite clearly in the Bible that the earth was created only a few thousand years ago, in six literal days.  If we doubt these words of the Bible, then everything else in the Bible–all the way up to the redemptive message and work of Christ himself–is suspect.

Well…if you’ve watched these videos and are STILL convinced that young-earth creationism is the answer to all that ails Christianity in America, get back to me. I’ve got some beautiful beachfront property out in Moab, Utah, that I would love to sell you.

The Monday Melange 10.19.09: Ozzy Osbourne, Ardi, Cow Tongue, and Cowbell

–So I hear that a Nebraska meat packer just recalled 33,000 pounds of cow tongue.  Didn’t know that many people liked cow tongue.

–Before Furman’s football team was called the Paladins, they were called the Christian Knights.  The Furman University Christian Knights.  Anybody else see the problem here?

–Ozzy Osbourne on Michael Jackson:  “Look at Michael Jackson:  by the end his sister LaToya looked more like him than he did.”

–Good win over Vanderbilt this weekend.  All I have to say is:  It would very much behoove Mark Richt to not get his ass kicked by Florida two weeks from now.

–So how’s the weather this week in Amundsen-Scott Station, Antarctica?  Today’s high is forecast to be -34 degrees.  Tonight it’s supposed to get down to -59, with a windchill of -79.

–For those of you who liked my little rant on Kirk Cameron and Ray Comfort this week and who believe that the creationist approach to science is doing very bad things for young people in evangelical Protestant-dom, here is a piece by Michael Spencer which says more or less the same thing.  The discussion centers around the discovery of “Ardi” a couple of weeks back, and a creationist commenter’s response to it.

–More food for those of you who were interested in my Comfort/Cameron rant:  Here is another Michael Spencer post with a couple of videos:  one in which Ken Ham addresses supporters at his creation “museum” up in Cincinnati, and one in which Richard Dawkins interviews a proponent of young-earth creationism.  Read the post.  Watch the videos.  Still think young-earth creationism is the answer for all those young people who are leaving the church?  I’ve got some beautiful beachfront property out in Moab, Utah, that I would love to sell you.

–So I hear that Florida plays Mississippi State this coming weekend.  All I have to say is:  MORE COWBELL!!!!!

Quick Hit: Should We Fire Mark Richt Revisited

Well, I know when the Bulldog Nation is all in a frenzy.  I can tell when a disappointing loss has caused all the Georgia fans to start calling for Mark Richt’s head, because I get lots of hits from people searching under the terms “fire mark richt”.

And this week the calls for Mark Richt’s head have reached a fever pitch.  This week Mark Richt sank to a new low, earning the humiliating distinction of being the first SEC coach ever to lose to that loudmouthed doofus Lane Kiffin.  And he did it in style.  His offense was nonexistent.  His defense was scorched earth.  And his special teams were dreadful, though they did have their good moments.

The fact that he put in such a dreadful performance against a team that was already careening off the cliff only makes matters that much worse.  Now, for as long as Lane Kiffin is at Tennessee, he will always be able to say that he beat Georgia in his first year.  And it will hurt.

Things have gotten so bad that this week AD Damon Evans felt compelled to issue a statement.  Now at first glance it seems that Damon Evans said the right thing to both sides–to the fans:  “I do have some concerns about where we are at this point of the season”, and to Mark Richt:  “Beyond that, I have total confidence that Coach Richt will properly evaluate our team, address concerns and prepare the right path that will direct us back into the position we all want to be in–competing for championships.”

But the fact that Damon Evans felt compelled to issue a statement in the first place speaks volumes.  Consider this:  Back in 2006 Georgia was 6-4 after a brutal October which saw humiliating losses to Tennessee, Vanderbilt, Florida, and Kentucky, and a narrow escape against Mississippi State.  With then-No. 5 Auburn on deck and Georgia Tech to follow, we were looking at the very real possibility of a 6-6 nonwinning season (and a losing season if we went to a bowl game and got beat).  Everybody was calling for Mark Richt’s head at that point.  Guess what?  No statement from Damon Evans.

Sure enough, Mark Richt figured some things out and went on to beat Auburn, Georgia Tech, and Virginia Tech in the Peach Bowl.  By the end of the 2007 season, Georgia was No. 2 in the country.

So don’t think that Damon Evans is going to come out with a statement just because some fans are angry about Mark Richt.

This time, he did.  And that speaks volumes.

It means that this could well be the beginning of the end for Mark Richt.  Not that he is in any danger this year.  He is a very popular coach who has built up a lot of good will over the years.  And from what I hear, he has influential supporters who have the ear of Damon Evans right now.  This should be enough for him to survive at least one more disappointing season

Look, I’m not ready to jump on the “Fire Mark Richt” bandwagon just yet.  I tried that once already back in 2006 when it seemed that Georgia was slouching back toward mediocrity, but Mark Richt proved me wrong when he somehow found a way to bring back the magic.  Who knows?  He may do it again.  He may yet figure some things out, win all the rest of our games this year and all our games next year, and leave us all wondering what on earth we were thinking when we thought he was through.

But I will say this:  If we’re still having this discussion next year, you can bet that I will be singing a different tune.

Les Miserables 29: Forms Assumed by Suffering During Sleep

So Jean Valjean has been up all night deliberating about whether or not he would go to Arras and denounce himself to save Champmathieu.  At first he seemed set on going, then he seemed set on not going, but now he doesn’t know what he is going to do.  All this time he had been pacing up and down the floor, but at 3 AM, he finally collapsed into his chair and fell asleep.  He had a very disturbing dream.  I think the best thing would be to just quote it straight out, and so here it is, in Jean Valjean’s own words, according to Victor Hugo: Continue reading “Les Miserables 29: Forms Assumed by Suffering During Sleep”

The Donner Party: An Epic Fail, Just Like Georgia-Tennessee

UPDATE: AJC sports columnist Tony Barnhart offers a reasoned view of what Georgia must do to fix what ails them.

UPDATE: Birmingham News sports columnist Kevin Scarbinsky offers his own take on the Georgia situation, in which he likens Mark Richt to Tommy Tuberville who got fired at Auburn last year.  Just one quibble:  Tuberville had it coming since 2003, when Auburn school officials met secretly with Bobby Petrino behind an airplane hangar.  Other than that, he makes some very good points.

Those of you who paid attention in your high school American history class may remember hearing a little something about the Donner Party.  This was an unfortunate group of travelers to California who got stuck in the mountains in the winter and wound up having to resort to cannibalism.

The Donner Party was an epic fail.  Reading about all that happened to those poor hapless people, one gets the impression that the Gumbys from Monty Python must have been running it.  It all started back in April 1846, when George Donner, his lovely wife Tamzene (Ladies, I know you would just love to have a name like that), his family, and some friends left Springfield, Illinois, with the intention of heading out to California.

Now travel to California was a lot harder back then than it is these days.  You couldn’t just hop a plane and be there in four hours, or hop on I-80 and be there in four days.  Back then, the trip took at least four months if all went well.  You also had to time it just right.  You couldn’t leave too early in the year, or else the rivers would still be swollen from all the spring rains and the snow melting off the tops of the western mountains, and there would not be enough grass for your animals to graze.  You couldn’t leave too late either, because if you got to the Sierra Nevadas too late in the year there would be snow and all the mountain passes going into California would be impassible.

So the Donners and friends left out in mid-April.  In May, they stopped off in Independence, Missouri (now a suburb of Kansas City), to stock up on supplies for the rest of the trip.  As they headed out from Independence, they joined up with a larger group heading the same way.

It did not take long for misfortune to strike the Donners.  About two weeks out from Independence, they crossed the Big Blue, a fork of the Kansas River.  Here they ran into high water and it took them a while to get across.  During the course of this crossing they suffered their first casualty: Sarah Keyes, the mother of one of Donner’s friends.

By the end of June, the Donners and their group had reached Laramie, Wyoming.  This part of the trip was uneventful.  But then they got into trouble because some guys wanted to take a shortcut.  (Isn’t that always the way with guys?)  This guy named Lansford Hastings wanted people to try a new route through Utah that he had just found.  He sent a lone rider with a letter telling everyone who wanted to try his shortcut to meet up at Fort Bridger so that he could guide them through.  (Heads up:  Don’t trust any guy named Lansford.)  At the Little Sandy River, a group of people who wanted to try Hastings’ shortcut split off.  They elected George Donner to be their leader and went their own way.  And thus the Donner Party was formed. Continue reading “The Donner Party: An Epic Fail, Just Like Georgia-Tennessee”

The Monday Melange 10.12.09: Antarctica and Evander Holyfield

–I was a little late to church this week.  I stepped in something very icky on my way out the door, and had to stop to clean it up.  Upon closer examination, I found that it was actually the remains of Georgia’s football program.

–We just lost to Lane Kiffin.

–According to Weather Underground, the high today in Amundsen-Scott Station, Antarctica (that would be the South Pole) is forecast to be -52 degrees.  Tonight it is supposed to get down to -70 with a windchill of -95.  That’s crazy cold, people.

–Lane Kiffin is smart.  He went out and hired the best assistants he could get, and basically just stepped out of their way and let them coach their respective positions.  Now all he has to do is sit back and run his mouth.

–Hidy Tidy, Lawd Almighty, when’s Ole Miss gon’ beat somebody?????

–For crying out loud, people.  I am STILL having trouble wrapping my mind around this:  We just lost to Lane Kiffin.

–We.  Just.  Lost.  To.  Lane.  Kiffin.

–And it barely registered a blip on the radar over at ESPN.com.

–Look, there is such a thing as an off day.  I get that.  But when a team that lost to UCLA, barely got past Ohio U., trailed both Florida and Auburn by the score of 23-7 in the fourth quarter, and has an ignorant, loudmouthed doofus for a head coach, hands you your unrecognizably mutilated ass on a silver platter, your team has very serious problems.

–This just in:  Georgia-Vanderbilt has been moved to Amundsen-Scott Station, Antarctica.  I think they found a couple of fans down there who would actually be interested.

–Mark Richt:  Lane Kiffin’s bitch.

–I am now rooting for Georgia to lose all the rest of their games this year.  Maybe that will force them to make the changes to the coaching staff that need to be made in order to be successful again.

–This also just in:  Las Vegas has officially declined to issue a spread for Florida-Georgia.  There isn’t a person alive who will take Georgia, no matter how many points you give them.

–So I hear that NASA is planning to crash a rocket into the moon.  Hmmm…you think maybe they could crash Willie Martinez into the moon?

–Or how about Evander Holyfield?

–Seriously.  This guy is really starting to remind me of the Black Knight from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.  Actually, he’s not “starting to”–he has been reminding me of the Black Knight for a while now.

–Maybe if they crash Holyfield into the moon, he’ll find someone up there who will be willing to pay him for a fight.  I hear he’s been having a little trouble with that lately.

–That’s right.  Holyfield tried to get a fight in Ethiopia a few months back, but it fell through when the government forgot to mail the check.  Now I hear he tried to get a fight in South Korea, but that fell through because the organizers did not come up with the money for the prize purse–a whopping $250,000, which by professional boxing standards, is pocket change.

–Think maybe somebody is trying to give Holyfield a hint?  It is WAY past time for him to hang it up.  I don’t care what Benny Hinn or whoever says about God anointing him to win the title in heavyweight boxing.  If I believe that, then I might as well believe that God has anointed Florida State to go undefeated and win the national championship in 2009.

–Speaking of Florida State, I hear that Bobby Bowden is having a little trouble down there.  Yeesh.  Sure wish Florida could be having some of those issues.

–By the way, I wasn’t kidding about shooting Willie Martinez into the moon.  If you manage to make Tennessee look good on offense and Jonathan Crompton look like a Heisman candidate, then you are REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY BAD on defense.

–Or maybe we could just take him down to Amundsen-Scott Station, Antarctica, and leave him there with no clothes.







–We just got our revenge on LSU for what they did to us last week.  The team that they worked so hard to beat in Athens is nothing more than mud on Lane Kiffin’s shoes.

–I hear they finally found a fight for Evander Holyfield.  It is going to take place at Amundsen-Scott Station, Antarctica, right after the Georgia-Vanderbilt game.