Today we move from the repulsive and bigoted to the absurd and outlandish.
Jim Bakker was a big-time televangelist back in the 80’s who wound up going to jail for screwing his followers on bad real estate deals and getting it on with a church secretary. ICYMI (that’s “In Case You Missed It” for those of you who are not millennials or otherwise familiar with the ways millennials express themselves via texting/social media): Bakker is now back in active ministry. That is, if selling prepper food and survivalist gear to suckers who can easily be convinced that the world is going to shit any day now is what you fancy as active ministry. Feast your eyes on a clip from his show this past week, courtesy of the good people over at Right Wing Watch, in which he oh-so-creatively connects the dots between attacks on the Lord and His anointed Donald Trump, the closing of Barnum & Bailey’s circus, the Manchester bombings, and the collapse of the “Hillary Steps” at the peak of Mount Everest.
Thank you so much, Jim Bakker, for returning to active ministry. Now my blog will all but write itself.
A couple of years ago we noted that Jim Bakker was back on the scene. Bakker was a big-time televangelist back in the 80’s who built a huge ministry and saw it all go kablooey in a cloud of scandal and intrigue and Jessica Hahn and air-conditioned doghouses and layers upon layers of Tammy Faye’s makeup.
Bakker is back in active ministry–that is, if peddling all manner of end-of-the-world survivalist gear is what strikes your fancy as active ministry. He has a TV show where he specializes in attempting to convince people that some sort of apocalypse is imminent and you’d better buy his prepper food to get you through. Lots of it. As in, like, TONS of it.
But the apocalypse prepper food market is a tough market to be in. Even with lots of people running around out there who watch religious TV and can easily be convinced to buy lots of that sort of thing. So how do you get by? Simple: You do what Bakker does. You play Chicken Little. You make everything into a ginormous crisis. You get up there and tell people that Obama/gays/ISIS/terrorists/etc. are taking over and you’re gonna need to hole up in your bunker with lots and lots of his prepper food to get you through. I mean, with the world going to shit and all, who DOESN’T need a 7-year supply of nonperishable food?
Admit it, people: You thought I was kidding about that.
But Bakker has a problem. You see, his guy Donald Trump just won the election so all is hunky-dory now in evangelicalism and especially in his region thereof. So how do you get by in the apocalypse prepper food market when your boy is now in charge of everything and you no longer have Obama/the gays/etc. to blame for the coming apocalypse? Well, these guys are nothing if not resourceful and you just know they will figure something out. Bakker has: Demonize all of Donald Trump’s opponents and make them as big and bad and scary as possible. Last week Bakker had end-times author Joel Richardson and disgraced ex-FBI agent John Guandolo on the show to discuss recent anti-Trump protests. Guandolo got up there and said that all the left-wing activists, including the Black Lives Matter crowd, are working hand-in-hand with jihadists, terrorists, and other unsavory characters and that their activities are “planned and funded by enemies of the United States.” Richardson, not to be outdone, said that Satan himself is involved in the protests. He tied it to Psalm 2 and contended that the nations, the Gentiles (his terminology) are raging against God himself and His anointed, Donald Trump. You can watch it for yourself below, courtesy of the good people over at Right Wing Watch:
Millennials: The greatest regret of your existence is that you never got to experience the original Jim Bakker Show in all its sordid glory. Never fear, I am here to fill that void in your existence and remedy that deficiency for you. Feast your eyes on this clip from the original Jim Bakker Show in which Tammy Faye presides over a dog wedding: