The Monday Melange 05.23.11: Planking, Harold Camping, Bobby Lowder, Arnold Schwartzenegger

Aloysius, our Executive Director of Sports Information here at Everyone's Entitled to Joe's Opinion, tries to get in on the "planking" craze. Unfortunately the lying flat as a board part is kinda hard for a teddy bear.

Aloysius, our Executive Director of Sports Information here at Everyone’s Entitled to Joe’s Opinion, has been telling me all this past week about this crazy old bear out in California named Bearold Camping who was a big deal back when he was a cub.  Bearold Camping had a radio station and a sizeable audience.  Then he started spouting off about how the world was going to end on June 6.  (Don’t know.  Think it had something to do with 666 or something like that.  Doesn’t really matter now, does it?)  A whole bunch of bears started painting “June 6:  Save The Date” on their cars and the outsides of their dens.  Well, June 6 came and went without incident and all of Bearold Camping’s followers mauled him to death.  Bears don’t take too kindly to that sort of thing, which is why you won’t find a lot of date-setting end times prophet bears.  Because if you pick a date and you get it wrong, they will maul you to death.

–“Planking” is the latest internet craze that is sweeping the globe.  The game originated in 1997 in Australia and gained worldwide attention recently after somebody fell seven stories to their death while attempting to “plank” off their roof.  “Planking” involves lying face down, flat as a board, having your picture taken while you are in that position, and posting it to Facebook or Twitter.  The more public, the better.  The more precarious your position, the better.  Read this CBS News piece on planking, which also includes some photos to give you the idea.

–Harold Camping spent about $1 million on all those billboards advertising the Rapture this weekend.  But that’s okay–his organization was worth $22 million in 2002 and $117 million in 2008.  Apparently it pays to be in the business of setting dates for the Rapture.  Read the CBS News article on Camping’s financial picture.

–Wondering what Harold Camping plans to say to his parishioners, now that the Rapture has come and gone and we’re all still here?  Yeah…I thought so.  This post offers some contingency plans for old Harold.

–The news just came out this past week that 2011 will be the final season of the Bobby Lowder Show down at Auburn.  If you saw my Facebook page, you saw me link the video of Monty Python’s Piranha Brothers sketch and draw the comparison between Lowder and Dinsdale Piranha.  I have no doubt in my mind that this is a valid comparison.  I can easily see Bobby Lowder nailing people’s heads to the floor.

Can’t you see it too?  Former Auburn athletic director Mike Lude was strongly advised to check in with Bobby Lowder every week.  He did not do this, preferring instead to go through then-president William Muse.  This did not please Lowder very much.  I can see Lowder responding like this:

One day I was sitting at my desk, and in come a couple of Bobby Lowder’s boys carrying a tactical nuclear missile.  They said I had bought one of their fruit machines (I had done no such thing) and would I please pay for it.  They wanted $250 million.  A week later they came back and told me the check had bounced, and that I would have to see Bobby.  So they chain me to the back of a tank and take me for a scrape round to Lowder’s place.  There was Bobby Lowder in the conversation pit with [then-Alabama governor] Don Siegelman, whom they called Baby-Crusher, a couple of film producers, and a man they called Kierkegaard who just sat there biting the heads off whippets.  Lowder comes up to me and says “You’ve been a naughty boy, Clement.”  And he saws my leg off, splits my nostrils open, and pulls my liver out.  And I says “My name’s not Clement.”  And then he loses his temper and nails my head to the floor.

Okay, this is obviously a spoof inspired by the Piranha Brothers skit.  But I defy you to tell me that this is very far from reality down at Auburn.

Arnold Schwartzenegger now joins that growing “stupid club” of celebrity men who had gorgeous wives and cheated on them.  That club also includes Tiger Woods and Tony Parker of the San Antonio Spurs.

Here is what Mildred Baena, the woman with whom Schwartzenegger cheated on his wife looks like:

Dude, if you’re going to cheat on your wife, at least do it with a woman who looks better than her.  There aren’t a whole lot of women running around out there who look better than Maria Shriver, and this is certainly not one of them.  I have no sympathy for Arnold Schwartzenegger.