Attention Georgia Fans

This is a vuvuzela.

Those of you who saw any of the World Cup games this summer know all about this already.  But since soccer doesn’t have a lot of traction around here (there are only three possible final scores in a soccer game:  0-0, 1-0, and in a real scoring orgy, 1-1), I shall proceed to enlighten you.

The vuvuzela is a noisemaking instrument, similar to a kazoo.  It is only capable of producing one tone, something close to a middle B-flat.  (Don’t know what a middle B-flat is?  Ask a music major.  They’re good for something.)

Get 50,000 people playing these things together in an enclosed space, and the resulting sound is the most annoyingly obnoxious thing that you have ever heard in your entire life.  You thought the cowbells at Mississippi State were bad?  This is worse.  Much worse.  The best way I know to describe it would be to say that it is similar to the inside of a beehive.  Or the inside of Lane Kiffin’s head.  Or a beehive on the inside of Lane Kiffin’s head.  Which would explain a lot.

And therein lies our only chance of beating Florida this year. Forget bum-rushing the field after the first Georgia score.  Forget the black helmets and the black pants.  (Please.  As soon as possible.)  No, what we need is the vuvuzelas.

Those of you who are going to Jacksonville:  Get a vuvuzela.  (You can probably find one on Ebay and have it shipped to you via Express Mail in time for the game.)  Get it into the stadium some kind of way.  (Ask a Mississippi State fan for advice on how they sneak the cowbells into their stadium.  Or better yet, ask a fellow Georgia fan how they sneak alcohol into the stadium.)  Play it all afternoon Saturday.  Make life as miserable for Florida as you possibly can.

Of course you will have to respect the vuvuzela by only playing it at appropriate times:  before the game, after the game, after Georgia scores, and during timeouts.  Otherwise the league would not look too favorably upon us.  But even at that, you can still make life extremely miserable for Florida on Saturday afternoon–so miserable that they will want it to be over as soon as possible.

To get an idea of what the vuvuzela sounds like and the general loathing and antipathy which this sound engenders, check out this video: