The Monday Melange 07.26.10: Alberto Contador, Bill Hancock, Nick Saban

Aloysius is a little bemused over events in France this week. Wasn't there a bike race or something over there?

–Aloysius, our new Executive Director of Sports Information here at Everyone’s Entitled to Joe’s Opinion, is somewhat bemused and befuddled over the happenings in France during the past week.  Seems there’s some kind of bike race or something going on over there right now.

Now I know it’s probably hard to care about a bike race that isn’t happening here in our backyard, especially when Lance Armstrong isn’t a factor.  And for those who do care, the only concern they feel is along the lines of “Yeah, but how does this affect the Auburn game?”

Can’t promise you that the events over in France will have any relevance to the Auburn game, or to any other upcoming college football game for that matter.  But I can promise you that if you hang with me here…well, you may be confused, bemused, and befuddled, just like Aloysius and me, but you will definitely be entertained.  And you may even get a good laugh.  Because from what I’ve been hearing, there hasn’t been a dull moment over at that bike race in France last week.

It started to get interesting when this guy from Spain and this guy from Portugal tried to start a Tour de France Fight Club.  The guy from Spain is claiming that the guy from Portugal elbowed him as he went by.  Dude, if the ref didn’t see it, it didn’t happen.  There should be a Barnes & Noble along the way in one of the upcoming stages; you might want to stop in and take a gander at the self-help section.

Here is the blow-by-blow, courtesy of Youtube:

–But wait.  It gets better.  This other guy from Spain passed a guy from Luxembourg who was busy fixing his chain.  This put the other guy from Spain into the lead.  The guy from Luxembourg was a little upset with this.  Seems that the Tour De France has this unwritten rule (in the unwritten rule book, on my unwritten bookshelf, right next to other great unwritten volumes such as Amelia Earhart’s Guide to the Pacific Ocean, Al Gore: The Wild Years, My Plan to Find the Real Killers by O. J. Simpson (kids, ask your parents), and The Engineer’s Guide to Fashion) that if the leader breaks down for whatever reason you are not supposed to pass him and take the lead.  Great.  How about if we just give everybody a participation trophy and a six-pack of Juicy Juice?

Dude, it’s a race.  People are in it to win it.  Can you imagine at the Peachtree Road Race, if one of the Kenyans tripped and fell and they stopped the whole race so that nobody would pass him and take the lead?  Can you imagine at NASCAR if Kyle Busch were to crash and they stopped the whole race so that nobody would pass him and take the lead?  At NASCAR, the fans would kill you if you were to stop and not take the lead when the leader crashes.

Honestly, people.  What will those French think of next?

–Bill Hancock, executive director of the BCS (not to be confused with the Hancock played by Will Smith in that superhero movie a couple of years back–although if that Hancock were in charge of the BCS it would be infinitely better, wouldn’t it?), spoke at SEC media days last week.  He began his talk with a powerpoint, at the beginning of which he said, “I’m going to tell you how it works and why it works.”  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

–Nick Saban is rip-roaring mad these days.  Seems one of his players might lose his eligibility because of an agent.  So he got up at SEC media days and unleashed this withering diatribe in which he likened sports agents to “pimps”.  Dude, are you calling your agent a “pimp”?  What do you have to say about the agent who pimped you to the Cons and the Miami Dolphins while you were still under contract with LSU back in 2004, and then pimped you to Alabama five minutes later while you were under contract with the Miami Dolphins?

If this doesn’t convince you that Nick Saban is a dweeb, I don’t know what will.

–Seriously, though, the problem of agents interacting with college athletes is something which desperately needs to be addressed.  AJC sports columnist Tony Barnhart has some excellent ideas on how to address this problem.