The Monday Melange 11.23.09: Tryptophen, Gary Gilmore, and Paul Johnson

–Is it women’s gymnastics season yet?????

–The last time Georgia lost to Kentucky in Athens was in 1977, the same year that Gary Gilmore was executed by firing squad in Utah.  I would love to see Willie Martinez executed by firing squad for his defense’s performance (or lack thereof).  I would love to see a bunch of other assistant coaches executed by firing squad as well.

–I have a lot of friends who are Georgia Tech fans, and believe it or not, they are actually worried about the upcoming Georgia-Georgia Tech game.  I suppose I can understand; I would be worried too if my team had just endured six years of Chan Gailey and all the horrors entailed in that.  But do these people have any idea just how BAD this Georgia team really is???  I think they will be very pleasantly surprised.

–Tryptophen is the hormone in turkey meat which causes you to feel sleepy after having had a full turkey dinner on Thanksgiving day.  To counteract this effect, marinate your turkey in Red Bull for 24 hours prior to cooking.

–Paul Johnson isn’t going to Notre Dame.  Why?  First, the people up there aren’t convinced that his offense works, even though it does.  People aren’t convinced that you can recruit talented players to play for a team that runs that type of offense.  And people aren’t convinced that people will want to watch that sort of offense (which runs the ball about 85 percent of the time) on TV.

Second, Notre Dame already tried hiring a Georgia Tech coach a few years back.  He lasted for all of three and a half days.

Finally, we don’t need for Notre Dame to hire Paul Johnson.  We need for them to come and get Urban Meyer out of our hair!!!!!

–Which says very bad things about the present state of the Georgia football program.  We don’t have a prayer of competing with Florida as long as Urban Meyer is on the scene–our only hope is to pray for him to be abducted by aliens or hired away by Notre Dame.  Think about that.  Isn’t that sad?

–Maybe Georgia should defect to the Ohio Valley Conference.  At least we know we would rule that conference, just like Florida State ruled the ACC back in the 90s.  And if we joined the Ohio Valley Conference, that would bring them to twelve teams, which would enable them to have divisional play and a conference championship (if they have such things in Division 1-AA).

–Here’s another thought:  Up until the early 90’s or thereabouts the Virginia marching band was known for doing silly, spoofy shows–kind of like the Weird Al Yankovic of marching band.  But they sometimes did things that were a little bit over the edge, and one year in West Virginia (Virginia and West Virginia are big rivals, kind of like Florida-Georgia) they did a show that was so offensive that the governor of West Virginia had them banned for life from the state of West Virginia.  The next year, the administration at Virginia suspended the marching band.  They brought in other bands from area high schools and colleges to perform at halftime during every home game that season, in order to show the Virginia band how to perform good, tasteful halftime shows.

My thought is that we should just suspend the Georgia team for the upcoming Georgia Tech game.  Forfeit the game up front, and play the game as an exhibition with some other team (Florida, Alabama, LSU, Ole Miss, Tennessee, hell–why not Kentucky?) playing in Georgia’s place to show them how to play like a real football team.

–So how’s the weather in Amundsen-Scott Station, Antarctica?  High:  -30.  Low:  -33.  Windchill:  -58.  They’re having a veritable heat wave down there, aren’t they?

–The last time Georgia lost to Kentucky in Athens was in 1977.  Prince Charles was on hand to watch Georgia get punked by Kentucky 33-0.  This time we didn’t need Prince Charles in attendance–all we needed was Willie Martinez.

–That Auburn win last week was special.  But bear in mind that at the beginning of the season this one projected as a gimme.  And at 31-24, this was no gimme.

–Don’t worry, my friends.  This sorry excuse for a football season is almost over.  And (hopefully) there will be major changes to the Georgia coaching staff to follow.

–And there’s always women’s gymnastics.