The Monday Melange 10.12.09: Antarctica and Evander Holyfield

–I was a little late to church this week.  I stepped in something very icky on my way out the door, and had to stop to clean it up.  Upon closer examination, I found that it was actually the remains of Georgia’s football program.

–We just lost to Lane Kiffin.

–According to Weather Underground, the high today in Amundsen-Scott Station, Antarctica (that would be the South Pole) is forecast to be -52 degrees.  Tonight it is supposed to get down to -70 with a windchill of -95.  That’s crazy cold, people.

–Lane Kiffin is smart.  He went out and hired the best assistants he could get, and basically just stepped out of their way and let them coach their respective positions.  Now all he has to do is sit back and run his mouth.

–Hidy Tidy, Lawd Almighty, when’s Ole Miss gon’ beat somebody?????

–For crying out loud, people.  I am STILL having trouble wrapping my mind around this:  We just lost to Lane Kiffin.

–We.  Just.  Lost.  To.  Lane.  Kiffin.

–And it barely registered a blip on the radar over at ESPN.com.

–Look, there is such a thing as an off day.  I get that.  But when a team that lost to UCLA, barely got past Ohio U., trailed both Florida and Auburn by the score of 23-7 in the fourth quarter, and has an ignorant, loudmouthed doofus for a head coach, hands you your unrecognizably mutilated ass on a silver platter, your team has very serious problems.

–This just in:  Georgia-Vanderbilt has been moved to Amundsen-Scott Station, Antarctica.  I think they found a couple of fans down there who would actually be interested.

–Mark Richt:  Lane Kiffin’s bitch.

–I am now rooting for Georgia to lose all the rest of their games this year.  Maybe that will force them to make the changes to the coaching staff that need to be made in order to be successful again.

–This also just in:  Las Vegas has officially declined to issue a spread for Florida-Georgia.  There isn’t a person alive who will take Georgia, no matter how many points you give them.

–So I hear that NASA is planning to crash a rocket into the moon.  Hmmm…you think maybe they could crash Willie Martinez into the moon?

–Or how about Evander Holyfield?

–Seriously.  This guy is really starting to remind me of the Black Knight from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.  Actually, he’s not “starting to”–he has been reminding me of the Black Knight for a while now.

–Maybe if they crash Holyfield into the moon, he’ll find someone up there who will be willing to pay him for a fight.  I hear he’s been having a little trouble with that lately.

–That’s right.  Holyfield tried to get a fight in Ethiopia a few months back, but it fell through when the government forgot to mail the check.  Now I hear he tried to get a fight in South Korea, but that fell through because the organizers did not come up with the money for the prize purse–a whopping $250,000, which by professional boxing standards, is pocket change.

–Think maybe somebody is trying to give Holyfield a hint?  It is WAY past time for him to hang it up.  I don’t care what Benny Hinn or whoever says about God anointing him to win the title in heavyweight boxing.  If I believe that, then I might as well believe that God has anointed Florida State to go undefeated and win the national championship in 2009.

–Speaking of Florida State, I hear that Bobby Bowden is having a little trouble down there.  Yeesh.  Sure wish Florida could be having some of those issues.

–By the way, I wasn’t kidding about shooting Willie Martinez into the moon.  If you manage to make Tennessee look good on offense and Jonathan Crompton look like a Heisman candidate, then you are REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY BAD on defense.

–Or maybe we could just take him down to Amundsen-Scott Station, Antarctica, and leave him there with no clothes.

–We.

–Just.

–Lost.

–To.

–Lane.

–Kiffin.

–We just got our revenge on LSU for what they did to us last week.  The team that they worked so hard to beat in Athens is nothing more than mud on Lane Kiffin’s shoes.

–I hear they finally found a fight for Evander Holyfield.  It is going to take place at Amundsen-Scott Station, Antarctica, right after the Georgia-Vanderbilt game.